Bachelor in Paradise Is Going Badly for Everyone on Episode 2

The beach is back, and it’s still all about Blake being a bit of a beach himself. 

Kristina didn’t so much make Blake her bitch as she did simply ask him what the hell he was thinking, sleeping with Caelynn the night after sleeping with Kristina. Blake didn’t see this as a big deal, since he’s a single dude and he and Caelynn can do what they want, but Kristina just wanted a little bit more respect than that. Why would you try to ruin my Paradise, Blake wondered. Why would you ambush me like this? 

Meanwhile, Caelynn was on the verge of a panic attack on the beach, trying to figure out what Kristina was up to. Blake then returned from his bad date with Kristina and took Caelynn off to the side. 

“I felt really disrespected by you,” she told him. 

“OMG really?” was his response. 

Suffice it to say Blake was not prepared to find out how many women are currently mad at him for not anticipating the fact that they have feelings. 


Demi Burnett summed it up, even as Katie was most concerned about who Blake was going to give a rose to. 

“Well no, he’s a loser. Blake’s a loser right now,” she said, mapping out his “six-burner stove” of Paradise women he’d already slept with and thought it was just gonna be fine that they were all gonna be on the beach together.

Kristina then went to Tayshia, who just also went on a date with him, and told her what was happening, turning her off of Blake for what she claimed was good. 

Meanwhile, Blake cried and panicked. How could this have happened??? 

“I gotta get out of Paradise,” he mumbled into his hands. 

Later, he cried some more. His family was going to have to go into hiding! It’s going to be so hard on everybody in his life! His life is over as he knows it! 

He’s probably a little right, but those tears seemed a lot more concerned with how he was going to come off on TV than how anyone was feeling about anything he did. 

“I look awful,” he said. “I don’t know how I could possibly recover from this.” 

Elsewhere on the beach, Wills and Dylan fought for the affections of Hannah G. Dylan couldn’t believe how well it was going, and then he found out that Wills had kissed Hannah, and he simply didn’t know what to do about it or what that could mean.

And then of course it turned out that Wills wasn’t Dylan’s only concern, because suddenly Blake was pulling her away for a chat, telling her she deserves so much and even kissing her. 

Too bad the whole thing felt wildly disingenuous after Blake just spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out how to save face, but Blake was thrilled. 

Hannah just seemed confused, since after all she had just referred to her connections with Dylan and Wills as “cool.” 

Then she went back to the other girls and was casually informed by Queen Demi that Blake is a “loooooser” 

Then, there’s Clay. Multiple women decided Clay was just really hot and literally called him a piece of meat, and it came down to Bibiana and Nicole hoping for a rose or a date. 

When he got a date card, he chose Nicole, leaving Bibiana in tears.

Clay and Nicole had a good time on their date, and Bibiana couldn’t figure out why nobody wanted to date her, but we’ll have to wait until next week to find out the result of the rose ceremony. 

One thing we will not have to wait for is to watch John Paul Jones puke up a spicy taco right onto the sand, which he did. Jane (who is still the most baffling person on the beach, because who?!) thought she’d have some fun by bringing him a taco, and it was apparently so spicy that he couldn’t take it. 

So that’s great, and we’ll never be getting that image out of our brains. 

Some other stuff: 

Annaliese is still so very Annaliese that it almost hurts, but she seems to have a bit of a connection with Chris Bukowski. 

Onyeka did nothing but braid JPJ’s hair. 

Anyway, we just wanted to include all of the intro GIFs because the opening credits are the best part of the entire show. 

Please, join us on Twitter at @eonlineTV to share which one is your favorite. We’re also open to any explanations anyone has for this web that Blake has woven. 

Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays and Tuesdays at 8 p.m. on ABC. 

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